the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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