the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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