so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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