Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
