I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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