you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
