Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
