dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
