I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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