She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
