quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
