I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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