I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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