so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
