i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
