Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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