Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
