If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
