the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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