I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
