my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
