You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
