You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he fucked my hip out of place.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
