Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
