Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
