Screwed.edu
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
