After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
