I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
