Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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