I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize