He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
