Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
