I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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