Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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