Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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