You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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