he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
