I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
