yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
