have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
