I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
