We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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