Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
