I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
