I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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