Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
