Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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