Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
