You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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