Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
