JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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