How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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